At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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