You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
