Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
