I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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