my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
