1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
