You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
