she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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