She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
