I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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