bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
