also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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