I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
