I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
