Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You just made me feel so damn special
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
