I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
