I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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