Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
