she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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