yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
