Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
