All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have post one night stand depression
The air taste purple.
Randomize
