WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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