Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
