I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
