i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
