So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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