Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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