Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
