I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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