my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
