omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Come on in and take your pants off
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