Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
