for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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