Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
