Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
