Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
