Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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