dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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