Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
