Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
