shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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