wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
