2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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