If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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