I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
