just tell him i said nine months
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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