I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
