I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
