i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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