I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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