I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
