margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
