Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
