These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
